Bachelor Review Week 1&2
This season is weird. Let's review.
Okay okay okay welcome to my latest late night idea called Mazey reviews The Bachelor, makes predictions and states overall commentary on season 29. I know I am slightly behind BUT I needed everything to get a little bit more settled and give us all a chance to really get a feel for the vibe of our contestants, and of Mr. Bachelor himself, Grant Ellis.
First things first, I think it is important to note that I am inherently biased because I love love loveeeeeed Joey and to be honest I didn't think anyone was going to be able to fill his shoes. However, Grant is REALLY PMO. I get that he has a different vibe but please, for the love of GOD, stop singing. KNOCK IT OFF. He is cutie but why are we using the Bachelor to launch a music career?… Like okay, I absolutely understand that he needs someone who can match his energy if music really is a big passion of his, but I just feel like there are a lot more subtle ways to go about it.
There is also something just a teeny weeny bit off about the way his solo interactions with the women are and I don’t know if I’m being overly analytical but he is ALWAYS staring at their mouths!? Like, we are on WEEK 2 and I swear there has been more make out sessions in the last 2 episodes than the entire last season. And hey, if you want to go in for the first date kiss, like absolutely get after it. But it’s the way that he LOOKS at their mouths while they’re talking! Eyes are up here, sir!
Okay, now let's get into the ladies, the baddies, the reason we are all HERE. I feel like off the bat I need to list all the original girlies and their info for my own sake and so that we can revisit if needed as the season continues.
Alexe (27) – Pediatric Speech Therapist from New Brunswick, Canada
Alli Jo (30) – Boxing Trainer from Manalapan, New Jersey
Allyshia (29) – Interior Designer from Tampa, Florida
Bailey (27) – Social Media Manager from Atlanta, Georgia
Beverly (30) – Insurance Salesperson from Howard Beach, New York
Carolina (28) – Public Relations Producer from Guaynabo, Puerto Rico
Chloie (27) – Model from New York City, New York
Christina (26) – Marketing Director from Fargo, North Dakota
Dina (31) – Attorney from Chicago, Illinois
Juliana (28) – Client Service Associate from Newton, Massachusetts
Litia (31) – Venture Capitalist from Salt Lake City, Utah
Natalie (25) – Ph.D. Student from Louisville, Kentucky
Parisa (29) – Pediatric Behavior Analyst from Birmingham, Michigan
Rose (27) – Registered Nurse from Chicago, Illinois
Sarafiena (29) – Associate Media Director from New York City, New York
Zoe (27) – Tech Engineer/Model from New York City, New York
Ella (25) – Luxury Travel Host from Los Angeles, California
Rebekah (31) – ICU Nurse from Dallas, Texas
Vicky (28) – Nightclub Server from Las Vegas, Nevada
J'Nae (28) – Account Coordinator from Colorado Springs, Colorado
Kelsey (26) – Interior Designer from Brooklyn, New York
Kyleigh (26) – Retail Manager from Wilmington, North Carolina
Neicey (32) – Pediatrician from Blythewood, South Carolina
Radhika (28) – Attorney from New York City, New York
Christina Smith (26) – Marketing Director from Kindred, North Dakota
AFTER WEEK 2:
Alexe (27)
Alli Jo (30)
Bailey (27)
Beverly (30)
Carolina (28)
Chloie (27)
Juliana (28)
Litia (31)
Natalie (25)
Parisa (29)
Rose (27)
Sarafiena (29)
Zoe (27)
So, Grant got BUSY. In 2 weeks we are down to 13 women and honestly none of the eliminations are that surprising to me except for Allyshia. I think everyone was a little bit confused when she got sent home because it seemed like she and Grant really hit it off and things were going well. If you had asked me week 1, I would have predicted her making it at least to top 5. Of course TikTok has done the deep diving for us and the conspiracies are crazy.
The most believable one to me was that when Grant’s sister came and Allyshia made the crazy remark about her SO LOUDLY, Grant was made aware and sent her home because his sister got bad vibes. Honestly, valid. Of course there are people out there saying she left because his singing was so cringy she no longer wanted to be part of it, but I am hesitant to believe that because she went through all the work to get there and like knew who Grant was before because he was literally just on Jenn’s season of the Bachelorette (shout of Jenn, love you girl). Anyway, she’s gone so everyone needs to calm down because it’s SO early and at least we didn’t get super attached then have her leave!
Let’s talk about episode 2. Alexe. Girl. I am so sorry they threw you into an abandoned mall to jump on a mattress and then sit and listen to Grant sing a song he definitely wrote prior to that date. I don’t know if special guest, Mario stole the whole budget for the episode but they could have AT LEAST given them something that wasn’t scary, dark and weirdly focused on childhood. I don't know, the fact that Alexe and Grant kept saying the date made them feel like they were little kids, and then proceeded to make out was weird. Not a fan. Alexe annoyed me in the first episode because why do you have a llama, but more so WHY IS THE LLAMA IN THE HOUSE?!?! I can feel the tides turning though and I can see myself becoming an Alexe fan if she keeps the farm animals out of the mansion.
Group date 1: ZOE KNOCK IT OFF AND GET A GRIP. It was a powerplay at first. Absolutely respected the grind, but why are we taking him up 30 flights of stairs on the group date… that was actually crazy and you just know they were gone for so long. BUT THEN for her to come weaseling back in over and over and over again?!?! Give the other girls a chance, it is WEEK 2 and everyone deserves at least 5 minutes. Why are you like lurking in the dark corners waiting to strike? Give him some room to breathe…
ALLI JOE. ALLI FRICKIN JOE. That is my girl. I don’t know if it's her dedication to the Y2k vibe or what but she is a shining star and I refuse to accept any slander. She is a woman on a mission and I respect the hell out of it. Have your cake and eat it too, girlfriend.
Group date 2: CAROLINA, YOU LITTLE SNEAKY BITCH! Everyone was sooooo up in arms about the intense makeout but I was HERE FOR IT. She didn’t like, take him away or make him not talk to the other women, she just hopped up on there like it was her big moment, and frankly, it was.
I hated the entire concept for this date, however. Why are we doing sober karaoke in the middle of the day when everyone is still like learning names. Rebekah… I am just confused, what happened? I am confused why you would preface that you were really good and it was your time to shine and then not only could you not keep a beat, you also could not find the note! It is SO okay to be bad at singing! But just don’t say you're the latest Ariana Grande and then do that? It’s giving liar lair pants on fire allegations! And once again, Grant please stop singing.
Moving forward I will be releasing a “Mazey’s Bachelor Review” on Tuesdays… I want to give everyone time to catch up and also I can’t watch on Mondays… so by everyone, I literally just mean me. Anyway! I can’t wait for this week and it will be much more structured moving forward because we don’t have to spend time introducing all the players! Okay TTYL!